Insomnia.

Hello people. It seems that alot of people have been suffering from insomnia recently so I guess it means I'm not suffering alone. (which is a neither a good nor a bad thing) I've always told myself that thinking back might not be a good thing and gawdd was I right. There are so many things I've had in these past 2 years. So much crap and so much happiness. Just like in Sec 1. I've had this random feud with a graduating Sec 4 person. It still makes me mad but I guess I simply felt that being childish at that time was a perfect thing to do. More importantly, there are some things in which are not meant to be seen, in this case, that letter. I still kinda feel that I'm not in the wrong. I mean, in my mind, I was protecting my best friend. I guess that was what he was doing too. But in the hands of the teachers as well. For that entire year, I was given alot of dirty looks. But who can blame em? Friends are forever right? =D Of course I feel bad that I posted a certain picture on my friendster but it doesn't mean I completely regretted it. >.< Certain crushes were also a major hurt factor in my years. It could seriously suck sometimes but heyy, you win some and you lose some. I'm kinda just waiting for the winning part now. Haha. I've thought back mostly about Sec 1 and realise that I was not very loved by much people. I've suffered alot alot in Sec 1 doing things my way but still trying to give things to people as appreciation. If you look at the things I've dealt with in Sec 1. Just think back.
1) Drama hated me very much. I bet the older Drama 101 was 80% of hating Anson and how much he was a misfit.
2) Stephanie really made me feel insignificant. It's like as though I was a major annoyance.
3) I've had issues with something that shouldn't be either of our problems.
4) I've cried so hard that my eyes were amazingly puffy. So puffy, that I could scratch the swollen part with my nail and feel like I'm scratching my arm.
5) I tried giving my all and being friendly only to get turned down and hurt so many times.
It's just not that easy being me. I felt that when I decided to tell the world that I was gay, was a mistake. That the whole world would be better without me. I just felt so hurt. Hurt that lasts till this day. I honestly can't even believe that it's to the extent of me feeling the tears coming out. I am simply unable to just count how many times I've thought about suicide. And the absolute worst part, I had no one to share with. The thorn was just so long. So deep. Even Juliana found me annoying. Not to mention Alena. She was almost always so ready to kill me. Wujie probably found me dipshitted too. I seriously had no one. I don't know what to say about this year. But I felt it was slightly hurtful too. Although just not as much. I've put my sorrows back into my eating this year. Grown much fatter. And it's still not helping that the homophobes from last year brought them into their this year. *it's slightly confusing* Don't tell me to be more guy-ish. Don't tell me to change who I am. AND DON'T TELL ME THAT IT'S NOT TOO LATE TO CHANGE. Those aren't advices. Those are personal attacks. I don't care how you look at it. But thats how I look at it. More importantly, if you have issues with anyone thats gay/lezzie/bi, just fuck off. See that red box at the top right corner? Click it. Get over it. Who *Eve* gives a flying fuck about you. I've loved more people this year though. But no matter how many times a person says the 3 words to me. I'm not sure. Cos that thorn still stings a little... Goodnight.